Although I've received encouragement to commit to the NaBloPoMo challenge, I've hesitated to do so. And in my hesitation, I've been faced with a weakness I thought I had overcome.
I am afraid to commit.
I am afraid of commitment.
I spent most of my years at BYU aware to some degree of my reluctance to commit. My poor roommates were probably more aware of that than I was. It was something I worked to overcome, something I thought I had conquered. After all, a happily married woman can't be afraid of commitment, can she? Apparently, I can.
In thinking about my fear, I've recognized a couple of ways it is manifest in my life. When we go out to eat, I hate being the one deciding on our location because I don't want to commit to a decision, leading to meandering conversations that include a variety of options that sometimes seems to go on forever. When asked if I'll help with a project, I'll often say "I'll try" because in my mind, it gives me the all-important escape hatch.
Or maybe this isn't a fear of commitment. Maybe it is a fear of the potential of disappointing people. I can make commitments and do a fairly good job of following through when it is just me commiting to myself.
Either way, I am going to (gulp!) take the step and commit to NaBloPoMo. I may fail, but at least I will commit to try.
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3 comments:
I already thought you had committed. You have posted everyday since the beginning of the month. Way to go!
yeay!!! congratulations you commitment phobe you!!
Excellent.
Also, did you know that we are the same person?
I hate committing to people, places or things--and lest you think it's just the nouns that suffer, I also hate committing to verbs. The Husband kept having to remind me that marriage isn't the all-terrifying thing I was making it out to be. I hyperventilated when I found out I was pregnant because DUDE! The commitment! There's no returning that little one once he's here!
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